Chapter One Hundred and Eighty-Six: Desperate Confession (Julius’s POV)
When Julius saw the resignation clouding Karen’s eyes, he ultimately couldn’t refuse her request. However, he immediately regretted agreeing to Karen’s favor. At this distance, even with his back turned, his unnecessarily keen ability to sense presences was too high—he could tell what Karen was doing without even looking.
First, Karen removed her shoes, then her socks. Even though Julius was right there, Karen removed her clothes without hesitation. However, she hesitated for a while before removing her underwear—and Julius agonized terribly over whether he should tell Karen this fact even now.
The hunger that should have been suppressed by drinking a magical power recovery potion began writhing in the pit of his stomach, clearly not a good state for Karen.
Still, Karen seemed unlike her usual self, making it hard for him to leave, and because he had just enough composure to suppress his appetite, Julius weighed his options and chose to remain where he was.
“What was it you wanted to talk to me about, Mr. Julius?”
Karen suddenly spoke to him, and Julius was flustered.
But Karen had drawn Julius to this place from the start, saying she wanted to talk.
Julius made an effort to respond calmly, determined not to show his agitation.
When he recalled what he had been trying to discuss with Karen, it naturally dampened his spirits, and Julius managed to reply with a bitter, self-deprecating expression:
“My talk can wait until after you’ve helped Her Highness Waltride.”
“But I care. I’m curious and can’t concentrate on making the panacea.”
“…That is troublesome.”
“Right? So please tell me. You promised to talk when I came back to you, didn’t you?”
He had indeed made a promise, but it was a conversation he had intended to have after everything was over. Because everything might end, he should have had the conversation after all problems were resolved. So Julius tried to refuse gently:
“If I have this conversation, it will only distract you. So—”
“Even so, please talk to me, Mr. Julius.”
Karen spoke more forcefully than usual.
“I want to hear it. Right now.”
Julius was extremely curious about what expression Karen was making. If they could just face each other, he had confidence he could silence Karen’s mouth in his usual manner. But right now, under no circumstances could he turn around.
“Karen, I—”
He didn’t want to have this conversation now.
Just as Julius was about to say so definitively, Karen rose from the bathtub, making splashing sounds.
The sound of wet bare feet stepping on the stone floor. Those footsteps approached. Along with the sound of water droplets sliding off Karen’s skin and falling to the floor—Julius swallowed his words.
“I know you’re trying to have an important conversation. That’s exactly why I want to hear it now.”
While Julius had words caught in his throat, Karen approached and said this right behind him, then leaned against his back.
“Please, Mr. Julius.”
He felt warm, wet hands clutching his shirt, and the sensation of Karen’s forehead pressing against him.
Julius completely lost any way to refuse that wish.
“It’s a worthless, ugly story, you know, Karen.”
“Yes.”
“—I find killing incredibly enjoyable. Unlike adventurers who enjoy killing monsters, this pleasure doesn’t diminish even if my opponent is human. …You can leave at any time if you’re scared.”
“Yes.”
Probably Julius’s way of speaking was poor. Perhaps to show she wasn’t scared, Karen embraced his back.
Through his thin shirt, the softness of Karen’s body was transmitted, and Julius held his head.
“Uh, where was I… I’ve told you that I’m a wicked person who enjoys killing. Normally, I can endure this desire, but when I’m intoxicated by magical power, I can’t suppress it completely, and I’m driven by the urge to torment prey and brutally toy with it to death. It’s not that I become this way because I’m intoxicated by magical power. This desire continues to exist within me all the time—without question, this is my true nature.”
Just as when Karen, drunk on magical power, had begged Julius for a kiss, even if he was intoxicated, that urge was Julius’s genuine desire.
“I’m a murderous monster hiding an ugly nature inherited from my father. I’m just hiding it with aristocratic bearing and appearance.”
“Do you want to kill me too?”
“That’s not the case. I don’t feel this impulse toward family either. But—I harbor even more abominable desires toward you.”
Julius looked down at Karen’s white hands wrapped around his stomach and swallowed hard.
When he first began to feel an appetite toward Karen, he could not trust his own reason at all, suspecting that his base desires had already reached their lowest extreme—until he heard Horst’s story. After all, he had inherited traits identical to that ugly, abominable father.
“So, Karen, you should fear me.”
However, even if Karen were to begin fearing him now, Julius had no intention of letting her go. Even if the image of Julius shattered within Karen and she said she could no longer adore him as before, Julius would still not allow her to escape.
That’s why he had kissed her. Because he realized he could never give her up, he decided to stop being selective about his methods. But even so, fearing Karen’s fear of him, he had continued hiding his true nature until today, and even now still hadn’t confessed everything.
What did Karen think of such a Julius—right now, unable to turn around, the only clue was Karen’s hands wrapped around his stomach. Those hands gripped Julius’s shirt tightly.
“I’m happy… It was my first time being kissed like that, and thinking it was done only to satisfy hunger made me sad.”
“Karen—”
“If I were desired even a little as a woman, I’m happy.”
It wasn’t just "a little" at all. Though he had sought kisses merely to catch his breath, Julius drowned in Karen’s permissive lips and devoured her, no longer knowing which desire he was devouring Karen with.
Yet Karen said she was happy. He knew it was undoubtedly because she didn’t accurately understand what kind of desire Julius had, yet he felt saved.
At the same time, he was terrified that the desire within him, mistaking this for forgiveness, might spiral out of control, and Julius raised his voice without meaning to:
“—Could you please hurry and put on clothes!? You’ll catch a cold, and I want to see your face right now!”
“Hmm, you should just look.”
“There’s no way I can look! Hurry up and get dressed!”
“Okaaay.”
Karen moved away, giggling.
The sound of rustling clothes, which sounded even more vivid than before, gave Julius a headache.
“I’m dressed now, Mr. Julius.”
When he turned around, there was Karen with wet hair, extending her arms toward Julius. Julius had already learned this was her movement, permitting a kiss. Swallowing hard, Julius grabbed those arms and stopped them.
“If I kiss you now, I might suck up all your magical power. I know you’re trying to make a panacea, but I’m not confident I can stop myself.”
“Because of your appetite?”
“…Mainly because of other desires.”
Julius answered honestly while gauging whether Karen could accept this.
Receiving the answer, Karen grinned happily, then said quietly:
“That’s too bad.”
Karen looked lonely, truly disappointed, and Julius questioned himself about whether he could at least manage just a kiss of touching, but he absolutely couldn’t have confidence in restraining himself.
Karen, having recovered her magical power and stamina, reproduced the panacea without danger.
Julius carried the pot filled with panacea partway along the road leading to the blank zone.
“I’m sorry, Karen. This seems to be my limit.”
“I see… Could we stay together just a little longer?”
“Any further, and I’ll lose sight of you.”
He had already heard from Thor about the time he was separated from Karen.
If Julius approached the magical power blank zone any further, he felt his awareness would slip away from Karen.
Incidentally, Thor was currently bedridden, having tried but failed to use up all his magical power in order to follow Karen. Being able to use up all one’s magical power must be a kind of special talent.
“Then I’ll take the pot… ugh, it’s heavy for a body without magical power.”
Karen held the pot, walked about ten steps toward the blank zone, then turned around to face Julius.
“Can’t you come even one step closer?”
“No. I don’t want to lose sight of you, so let me see you off from here.”
“I see. —I debated whether to tell you or not, but I think if it were me, I’d feel betrayed learning about it later, so I’ll tell you now while I can.”
“…Karen?”
To Julius, who felt an ominous premonition at the word "betrayed," Karen said with a transparent smile:
“Actually, there’s an S-rank monster in the blank zone, and it’s captured Lady Waltride. That monster has a child injured in Earl Brahm’s experiments, and if I can cure this child with the panacea, The monster will release Lady Waltride. But if I can’t cure it… I think Lady Waltride and I will be killed.”
“Karen! Why didn’t you tell me this!?”
Julius tried to approach Karen, but nearly forgot about her existence right in front of him and hastily retreated. Karen, having completely escaped beyond Julius’s reach, narrowed her eyes, watching him.
“Because I thought you would stop me.”
“Come back, Karen! An S-rank monster is a disaster beyond anyone’s control. His Highness Boromias will forgive you!”
“—You really would stop me. You would choose my life even if it meant abandoning Lady Waltride. Doesn’t that maybe mean you really, really like me?”
Karen spoke playfully. Julius now realized it was an expression suppressing anxiety, and felt like he was going mad with frustration at being unable to reach her.
“That’s right, Karen. I like you. I love you! I don’t need anything else! So come back! Please!!”
At Julius’s pleading confession, Karen’s eyes widened, and eventually she blushed and showed a smile like a blooming flower.
“I’m happy, Mr. Julius. But I’m sorry. I’ve already decided not to give up on anything.”
“Karen—!”
“I’m off, Mr. Julius. I’ll quickly rescue my friend and come right back.”
Karen said with a smile, then disappeared beyond Julius’s awareness, carrying the pot.
No comments:
Post a Comment