Chapter Two Hundred and Ten: First Year 3 (Julius’s POV)
“Nothing of the sort, Karen. If anything, you are far too good for me.”
“You really do seem to mean that, Mr. Julius.”
Karen laughed softly, with a hint of amusement. Whether she believed his words or not was difficult to tell. She probably did, Julius thought. And yet he understood full well that aside from himself and those closest to him, no one else would ever consider Karen a suitable match for him.
That was why he had thought it was still too soon—for her sake, so she would not be hurt.
“Once I can reveal that I’m B-rank, please take me to all sorts of places! By then, people should think that I’m at least a little worthy of standing beside you, thanks to the abilities I have!”
“You are already more than sufficient as you are.”
“If I could get others to think so as well, I’d love to be your partner at social gatherings, Mr. Julius.”
Hearing Karen voice her wish in a near whisper, Julius felt something catch in his chest.
He had no right to say that others didn’t matter. It had been Julius himself who had told Karen—when she wished to accompany him into his social world—that as long as she was not acknowledged by others, he could not take her there.
His reason had been that he didn’t want to hurt her. And yet Karen herself had said she didn’t mind being talked about. It was Julius who had minded.
“Before then, I’ll have Lady Alise and Sara drill proper etiquette into me, so I won’t be an embarrassment to you.”
“There is not a single thing about you right now that embarrasses me!”
Karen’s eyes widened at his declaration, and then she smiled and rose from the sofa. She took hold of the hem of her casual dress and offered Julius a lady’s curtsy. It was considerably more polished than when she had practiced for Sieg’s recovery celebration. The form itself was not wrong. But the movement lacked fluency—it was stiff and awkward. Whether her body was tensing unnecessarily or she simply hadn’t yet found the feel of it, grace was nowhere in sight. It could not be called elegant by any stretch, and the impression of hasty, surface-level learning was undeniable.
“Lady Alise said I do well enough for a commoner. But even I can’t say I’m fit to be your partner, Mr. Julius. And yet here I went, swept up in the excitement of a date and making wishes above my station.”
Karen smiled with a distant look in her eyes. She had allowed herself a dream, and Julius had thrust reality back in her face.
—Even without cruel words from others, Karen had already been hurt. It was only like a minor scrape, and Karen herself did not seem overly concerned.
But it was a wound Julius had made. Whatever his intentions, it was a wound born from his having told her—a C-rank alchemist of commoner birth—that she could not be his partner.
Karen attempted to hold herself like a noble lady, and the effort made her movements halting. Julius stepped toward her—she looked like a marionette in the hands of a clumsy puppeteer—and pulled her into his arms, so that she might no longer have to strive to become someone other than herself.
“Forgive me, Karen. When it comes to you being spoken of badly, the one who is wounded is surely me, not you. I simply could not bear to watch you be hurt. I never meant to imply that you were lacking.”
Julius had hurt Karen to protect himself. Karen, held still in his embrace, spoke from within his arms:
“I truly don’t think I mind people saying unkind things. Compared to possibly being hated by the goddess, something like that is trivial.”
Julius gave a wry smile at the enormity of what she was comparing it to. Indeed, when set against a goddess, being disliked by most people hardly amounted to much.
“But if it troubles you, Mr. Julius, then I don’t like that either. If taking you somewhere would mean you’d be spoken ill of, then even if you wished to go, I wouldn’t want to take you there. So please, don’t trouble yourself over it.”
That must have been how Karen had made peace with his refusal. In caring for him, she had quietly swallowed her own wish along with it.
“Compromise doesn’t suit you, Karen.”
“No, no—I’m not so unreasonable that I demand every single wish of mine be granted!”
Karen wriggled free from his arms and made her displeasure known with a small pout.
It was true that Karen had not yet acquired the bearing of high society. In her current state, the title of C-rank alchemist—kept so only because her true ability could not yet be revealed—would not earn her sufficient respect from the nobility.
—Long ago, Julius had worked himself to the bone to acquire the manner he now carried. To be accepted by the Ehlertt household—by those of the family other than Helfried, and other than his father. Every gesture, every posture, every way of speaking, every expression he shaped toward the ideal of a noble young man—he had refined them over and over as he watched how others responded, aiming always to be well-regarded. Because he often took cues from women who openly showed him favor, he had become someone rather easily liked by women.
He had shattered his former self into pieces so that no one would ever notice. But Julius had not the slightest desire to damage even a single fragment of the shape Karen was now.
“I want you—and everyone else—to understand that, for me, you are more than enough as you are. With that in mind, may I rearrange tomorrow’s plans?”
“I already understand that, and I’m not sure it matters whether others do, but either way is fine with me.”
Karen gave an awkward, shy smile at Julius’s sudden change of stance. The moment when she might have celebrated without hesitation had long since been lost by Julius’s own doing. And so, to bring her joy, Julius gathered resolve from deep within and produced his most dazzlingly sweet smile.
Karen gave a bashful, slightly flustered smile at his sudden change of heart. The moment when she might have received it with unclouded joy was one Julius had already forfeited. And so, in order to bring her joy still, he gathered his resolve and produced his most exquisitely tender smile.
Seeing Karen look up at him with melting eyes, his smile grew all the more profound. The sweetness in Julius’s expression deepened beyond anything mere acting could achieve.
“Someday, in a distant future… I once indulged in the sweet fantasy that if I ever had someone I loved, I would bring her to a certain place. I will take you there.”
“Th-that’s far too much to look forward to.”
Seemingly struck to the heart by his declaration, Karen’s face went perfectly still, and she began to tremble. Bearing the weight of her expectations, Julius declined the dinner invitation and set off home, intending to use what little remained of the short night to prepare for tomorrow.
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